I want you to stay
by emilyfvckingfitch
Summary: Hanna and Emily have always been the closest out of the four girls. They feel as if they can tell each other everything, but when somebody starts to see their friend in a different way, will their friendship ever be the same again? And what will happen when the others realize there's something more than 'just friends' going on? Rated M for later chapters and some language.
1. Chapter 1

**Friday evening. Hanna.**

As she made her way home through the darkened, frosty nighttime streets of Rosewood, Hanna Marin was somewhat baffled, to say the least.

Truth be told, she was anxious as hell. All she wanted to do in the world right now was just get home, throw her headphones on, and bury the feelings she felt tonight beneath every distraction she could possibly think of.

She wasn't feeling this. She couldn't be. Could she? After years and years of knowing Emily Fields – her best friend, the one person she felt as if could talk to about absolutely anything, trust with any secret, even the secrets she hadn't ever even thought of telling Aria or Spencer or Alison or even Caleb – why now, of all the time that they'd known each other, had she realized that she possibly had feelings for her best friend?

Hanna slowed down, approaching her house, grabbed the key from under the mat and quietly let herself in. Flopping down on her bed, in a room that she had once shared with the very person she was trying to forget about, she slid her headphones on, plugged in her iPod, and pressed play.

_Just fucking forget about it. You didn't feel anything. _

_You didn't notice for the first time how beautiful her smile really was when she laughs at your stupid, ridiculous jokes that no one else gets. You didn't get butterflies in your stomach when she hugged you goodnight. You didn't wish so fucking bad that she could've fallen for you instead of Alison, the girl who tormented you silently for years and years. Tonight was like any other. Just the four of us watching a movie and trying to forget about A._

She flicked from song to song to song, but nothing was working. All it did was remind her even more.

_Not really sure how to feel about it / Something in the way you move / Makes me feel like I can't live without you / It takes me all the way / I want you to stay…_

It's not like Hanna hadn't ever noticed how amazing Emily was before. Emily had always been different to the others – there was just something about her, something that gave Hanna that little lurch in her stomach that she'd felt tonight for the first time in years. She was sweet, kind, caring Emily. But she was also fiery, stubborn, and brave. The bravest girl Hanna had ever met. Every day she admired Emily more and more for the way that she dealt with the shit she'd gone through.

Tonight was different. All Hanna could think about was how much she wanted to lean over and wrap her arms around the quiet brunette and kiss her like she'd never kissed anyone else before.

_Fuck._

She couldn't take it. On top of all the shit going on in her life at the moment, she just really could not afford to think about Emily that way. Those thoughts would open too many doors and cause too many problems and cause way too much hurt. She'd had enough of that for a lifetime.

_You do not have feelings for Emily._

Throwing her iPod across the room in a rash fit of frustration, she placed her headphones on her bedside table, turned out the lights, buried her head into her pillow, and fell into a troubled, uneasy sleep.

_(You do, but you're too much of a damn coward to admit it..)_

**Saturday Morning. Hanna.**

The sudden tinny sound of her phone ringing at full volume woke Hanna in an instant. Dazed and confused, she reached blindly for her phone, slapping her hand across every inch of her bedside table until she finally grabbed it.

She glanced at the caller ID. Spencer. This would be a barrel of fun.

"Hello…?"

"Hanna! You're awake! Finally!"

Hanna sighed. "Unfortunately. What's up?"

She heard Spencer pause on the other end. "Um. Nothing, really. I was just a bit worried. You seemed pretty upset last night. Why did you leave early? Is everything okay with Caleb?"

Hanna smiled. Clueless to her situation as Spencer may be, trust her to know simply from the way that she had been acting that Hanna was upset over her love life. Those girls really did know her inside out.

"Everything's fine. Really. I was just feeling a bit off, I promise. Bad burrito. Don't worry, Spence."

Spencer breathed a sigh of relief on the other line. "Phew. Call me later when you get the chance, okay? Maybe we could get a coffee or something."

Hanna smiled. Did that girl ever stop thinking about caffeine? "Will do. Seeya, Spence."

She hung up the phone and opened her wardrobe, picking out her outfit for the day. She'd no idea where she'd be going or who she'd be with, but she really couldn't afford to sit around in her room thinking all morning.

But as soon as she'd picked out the perfect outfit, her phone buzzed on her bed.

1 new message, from Emily.

Hanna bit her lip and picked up the cellphone. Shit. Had Em noticed something was off too? Could she somehow, miraculously, terrifyingly know about what Hanna had been thinking about for all of last night?

**"Can we hang out later? need to talk to you about something. text back when u get the chance x"**

This was going to be a very, very long day.


	2. Chapter 2

**Saturday morning. Emily.**

Emily bit her lip as her thumb hovered tentatively above the 'Send' button.

Would Hanna even want to see her? She had seemed so distant the night before. All week, she'd been her normal, cheery, bubbly self – and then, last night, out of nowhere, she'd completely distanced herself from Emily and the others, cold as ice with all of them.

Emily furrowed her brow in frustration. All she had to do was hit send. One click and it'd be over.

She hit send. There. Finished. Done. She couldn't do anything about it now. Only wait.

Almost immediately, the phone that had never left her hand buzzed with a reply from her best friend.

**Ofc we can hang out :) Meet you at the lake in a half hour?**

After reading the text with bated breath she let out a deep sigh of relief. She'd been so stupid. Hanna wasn't mad at her. She'd just been paranoid as hell, as always.

Plus, Emily absolutely adored the lake. Ali often used to bring all of them there when high school had first started. She'd sneak a bottle of vodka from her parent's cupboard, and the five of them would the bottle around and just spend hours laughing and getting to know each other. They were some of Emily's happiest memories of Ali.

But she didn't think about that anymore. She couldn't.

However, curious couldn't even begin to describe how much Emily wanted to know why Hanna had been acting so weird last night. It wasn't like her at all. Not once did she complain when Emily had changed the channel from Katy Perry's Greatest Hits to some shitty horror film.

Something was up, and she was going to get to the bottom of it.

**The lake. Emily.**

"It's been so long since I've been here," Hanna said.

Emily jumped. She'd no idea that Hanna had silently walked up behind her, scaring the living daylights out of her.

"Shit! Hanna! You scared me!"

Hanna grinned. "Guess you're a lot more scared of zombie movies than you let on, huh?"

The brunette shook her head, smiling shyly as her cheeks went a dark shade of pink. "Shut up."

Hanna shook her head, amused, then looked down at her feet, having apparently taken a sudden interest in kicking dirt in circles with the toe of her shoe. "So what did you wanna talk to me about, anyway?

Emily sighed. "Um, about last night. Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about, because something was definitely up and… I'm worried. About you."

Hanna paused. Biting her lip, she looked up at Emily, her beautiful blue eyes wet with the threat of tears. Emily's heart practically skipped a beat. She couldn't bare to see her friend so upset.

"Do you wanna sit down?" Hanna suggested. Emily nodded, quickly removing her hoodie and spreading it on a patch of grass by the edge of the lake. The two girls sat, their feet almost skimming the shimmering surface of the lake.

Hanna took a deep breath, and then exhaled, twiddling her thumbs constantly.

"I'm sorry for ignoring you last night. I didn't mean to. I was just in a bad mood, and I had a terrible stomach ache, and… and my mom has just been really bitchy with me lately. I'm so, so sorry if you thought I was angry with you, because I'm not. I promise."

Emily put her arm around her best friend, sighed, and shook her head.

"Hanna Marin, I love you to pieces, and you're incredibly sweet to try and make me feel better like that, but you're the worst liar on the history of the planet. At least half of that was complete bullshit," she smirked.

"What? It so wasn't."

"Really?"

"_Really._"

"Then how come you're so sweaty all of a sudden?" Emily inquired with a knowing look. "How come you're tripping up on your words and you're doing that adorable little lip-bite you've reserved only for whenever you're nervous as hell?"

Hanna sighed dejectedly. "Wow. Well, shit. Am I really that much of an open book?

Emily took her hand, smiling sweetly at the one person she felt closest to in the world. "No. I just know you like the back of my hand. Now can you please tell me what's bothering you? I hate seeing you like this. It breaks my heart."

Hanna sat in thought for what felt like a million years. She opened her mouth, closed it, opened it again, seemingly unable to form words.

Then,

"I, just –

I'm sorry, Em. I can't. It doesn't matter. I'm sorry."

She got up, her voice breaking on the last few words. Emily quickly stood up after, pulling the trembling blonde into a hug.

"Shhhh. It's okay. Hanna. I'm here. I'm sorry. I just-"

"No, I have to go, I'm sorry-"

Picking up her bag, she swung it onto her back, brushed the dirt off her jeans, and jogged off, leaving Emily alone, feeling more confused and helpless than she'd felt in a very long time.

Almost as soon as Hanna's last footsteps had faded away, Emily's phone beeped in the pocket of her worn, navy jumper. She fished it out of her pocket and opened her newest text.

"**Must feel nice to be in Ali's position for once, huh, Em? Maybe you're not the only one who's been harbouring some forbidden feelings. Kisses! – A." **


	3. Chapter 3

**a/n: Thank you so much everyone for the reviews and follows! I was so, so flattered and interested in what you all thought of the story so far. I'll try and update as much as I can, but my life's pretty hectic at the moment and I can barely find time to breathe, let alone write fanfic, with all the Christmas exams ahead of me. But I made this chapter extra long because of the lovely messages asking me to update as soon as possible. Please leave more, I love reading them! – Hannah. **

**Hanna. Saturday afternoon.**

_You stupid fucking coward._

Angry tears still fresh on her face, Hanna slowly built her jog into a run as she tried to get the image of Emily's face out of her head. She had no idea where she was going, but she needed to put as much distance between herself and Em as possible so she could actually think straight.

She was right. After spending the whole night denying it, pushing as hard as possible to get those feelings out of her fucking head, here she was again, her stomach filled with butterflies and her eyes full of tears. Why couldn't she just admit it to herself? Why couldn't she just say it out loud?

She knew it, deep down. She knew that she'd always had feelings for Emily. Everything she'd convinced herself of last night, every little thought of how it was 'just a girl crush', of how it would go away in a few days, were complete and utter bullshit. Emily was right, she was an absolutely terrible liar, despite the fact that she'd been practicing for years now.

Eventually, she found herself slowing down as she approached an old playground where she had once sat with Caleb, and he had opened up to her about his mother.

She loved Caleb. She really did. He was so perfect for her in so many ways. He was the safe, comforting option. And she wanted with all her heart for him to be the only option.

But she couldn't deny her feelings for Emily any longer, or she'd go insane. Caleb was amazing, but the thought of being with Emily was something else. Something that made Hanna feel like she was on the peak of a rollercoaster, and that she would never come down. Something that made her feel more alive than she ever had before.

_You're thinking way too far into this, _she thought to herself._ Emily probably doesn't even feel the same. Oh my god, of course she doesn't, she thinks you're fucking straight. _

She needed someone to talk to about this. Someone who would understand. Someone who she wouldn't have to worry about squealing to Caleb.

Scrolling through her contacts, she found that exact person, and pressed dial.

"Hey… Aria? Can I talk to you? It's… I need to see you."

_And with words unspoken / A silent devotion / I know you know what I mean / And the end is unknown / But I think I'm ready / As long as you're with me / Being as in love with you as I am_

**Hanna. Saturday evening. Hanna's bedroom.**

Pyjamas on, hot chocolate in hand, and completely wrapped in her duvet, Hanna was feeling relatively calmer than she had earlier. Thank god, because she'd felt like she was going to explode any second, and who knew what'd happen then – she was most definitely _not _looking for a "Sean Ackard's Car Incident" Part 2.

"So what's bugging you, Han? I can stay here all night if you need me to. Spill." Aria smiled warmly as she entered Hanna's room, and perched her petite self on the end of the bed with a warm smile.

Hanna gulped, took a deep breath, and on a reckless impulse, dove straight into the deep end. All she wanted was to get this off her mind.

"Aria… I think I'm… like… gay."

Aria blinked. Once. Twice. "…What?"

Hanna took her astonished silence as an opportunity to fill the silence with as much as she could. "Okay, so, I don't know. I mean, I adore Caleb, but ever since he's left for Ravenswood, I just… I've been so confused. I've been thinking about things I wouldn't normally. Thinking about people. And I just wondered if I've been feeling this the entire time or I'm just a greedy, rotten cheater who deserves nothing but this stupid fucking feeling-"

"Hanna! Shit! Calm down," Aria placed her hands on Hanna's arms as she attempted to interrupt the rushed confession. "Seriously. Fuck. Chill out for a second."

Hanna took another breath. Slow. In, out. "Sorry. I panicked."

"That's fine," Aria assured her. "And whoever you are, whoever you want to be with, is completely okay with me too. More than okay. I just want you to be happy, Han. That's all. I'm not going to pry because I know, from experience… people asking questions can only make things worse, in a lot of situations. But I'm here for you. That much I can assure you."

Hanna pulled the tiny brunette into a bone-crushing hug. "I love you, Aria."

"I love you too," she grinned. "And the best bit of advice I can give you… just go with whatever makes you happy. If you truly want to be with Caleb, then you'll get through this. If you want to be with this mystery girl, then that is just as amazing. Just as long as you're happy, I'm happy."

"Thank you so much, Aria… I seriously don't know what I'd do without you. I'm so sorry for calling you like that. Go get back to your date with Ezra. And have fun," she winked, and led her best friend out of her room.

Flopping back down on her bed with a thump, the blonde ran her hands through her hair, trying to make sense of the jumble of thoughts running through her head.

Crack.

She shot up instinctively at the noise. Years of being tormented by A had taught her to never let her guard down. Ever.

_Crack._ She heard a small pat as a pebble from her garden hit the window and then fell back down onto the patio. Terrified and genuinely puzzled, she gradually inched closer to her window until she was able to peer outside into the darkening evening.

"…_Emily?!"_

Hanna raised an eyebrow as she stared down at the tanned brunette standing beneath her window. Emily beamed up at her. "Surprise."

"Why the hell are you pulling a Romeo at my window at 6 o'clock on a Saturday evening?"

"I wanted to talk to you again. I'm sorry if I scared you earlier. I was just worried about you. Can I come up?"

Hanna quickly rushed downstairs, let her shivering friend inside, and went back upstairs and into her room, Emily close behind.

Sitting on the edge of her bed, she looked down at her feet once more, nerves taking control all over again. Since when was she this frazzled around Emily? Emily Fields, her best friend since she was 12 years old.

"Hanna?"

"Yeah?"

"I got a text from A today. After you left. This is risky as hell, but I wanted you to see it. I don't want any more lies between us, they just make things too complicated."

As Hanna's eyes scanned the screen, her stomach dropped and her heartrate skyrocketed. She handed the phone back and finally brought herself to look her best friend in the eyes.

"Is it true?" Emily inquired quietly.

"Is what true?" Hanna stalled, playing dumb. She needed more time to plan what she was going to say. How did A find out so quickly?

"You know what I mean," Emily said, raising her eyebrows and giving her classic I-don't-believe-a-word-of-your-bullshit-Marin look.

"Um. I don't know." Hanna muttered. Tears began to gather in the corners of her eyes. "I don't know if I can say it out loud. I'm so sorry. I'm shit. I'm a coward and a liar and a nervous wreck and you deserve so much more and I really don't know how A found out about…this, but I just… I just need someone. Someone to tell me everything'll be okay. I'm sorry."

Emily put her arms around the shaking blonde and rubbed her hands up and down her back. "Shhhh, Hanna, don't worry. It's fine. Everything's fine. I know exactly how you feel. And I'm here for you, okay? I promise."

Gathering her breathe between silent sobs, Hanna pulled back slightly, and looked Emily in the eyes. They were so beautiful. A perfect shade of warm, chocolate brown – filled with nothing but honesty and love. She adored everything about her.

And slowly, cautiously, gently, she leaned forwards, and lightly pressed her lips against Emily's. It was a delicate, careful kiss, but it said everything that Hanna couldn't find the words for. Pulling away, she looked once more into her beautiful best friend's eyes, gauging her reaction. She simply smiled back, taking Hanna's hand in her own.

"I really needed that," she said quietly.

"In all honesty… so did I," Emily admitted sheepishly.

Butterflies now having taken a permanent residence in her stomach, Hanna lay down, pulled her duvet tightly around her, and looked at Emily.

"Can you stay with me? Just like this? For a while?"

The brown-eyed girl nodded, crawling under the duvet, and resting her head softly on Hanna's chest.

The threat of sleep inching closer and closer to the pair, Hanna reached up, switched off the light, and slowly closed her eyes.

"I don't know where I'd be without you," Hanna mumbled.

"Ditto, gorgeous. Sweet dreams," she whispered, and with that, she fell asleep in her best friend's arms, a small smile etched upon her face.


End file.
